My Story: What I Wish I’d Known Sooner (And Why It Changes Everything)

For years, I kept parts of my story tucked away.

The parts about being raised on the other side of the tracks. The lack of education.

My story—our story—isn’t something to hide. It’s something to share.

The parts about my continuous struggle with depression. Especially all the counseling I went through (not sure why I thought that so shaming?).

Finding out I had siblings that I had never met.

The times when things were hard and uncertain.

I thought those were the chapters I needed to move past—maybe even forget—in order to build the life I wanted.

But here’s what I’ve learned: The very stories we’re tempted to hide are often the ones that hold the most power.

Not just for us, but for the people we love.

For the legacy we’re building.

For how we finish this one precious life we’ve been given.

And there’s actual science to back this up.

The Research That Blows Me Away

Recently, I came across research from Emory University that speaks to our life story.

Psychologists gave children a simple test called the “Do You Know?” scale. Questions like:

• Do you know where your grandparents grew up?

• Do you know where your parents met?

• Do you know about something really difficult that happened in your family?

The kids who knew more about their family history? They had higher self-esteem, lower anxiety, and a stronger sense of control over their lives.

But here’s the kicker: It wasn’t just about knowing the stories. It was about the type of story they heard.

The Three Types of Family Stories (Can You Guess Why One Stands Out?)

The researchers found three common narratives:

Type 1: The Ascending Story “We came from nothing, and now look at us! Every generation has done better.”

Type 2: The Descending Story “We used to have it all, but we’ve lost it.”

Type 3: The Oscillating Story “We’ve had ups and downs. We’ve faced hard times and good times. We’ve struggled and we’ve succeeded. But through it all, we’ve stuck together.”

Guess which one produced the most resilient kids?

The oscillating story. The one that tells the truth about both the struggles and the comebacks.

Why This Hit Me So Hard

When I read this, I realized: My story—our story—isn’t something to hide. It’s something to share.

Being raised on the other side of the tracks wasn’t a detour from my “real” life. It was the foundation.

My struggles with depression and shame taught me grit, resourcefulness, and empathy in ways that success never could have.

Finding out that my dad had fathered other children outside our family forced me to reckon with painful truths about the people we love. But it also deepened my capacity for empathy—for him, for my newly-discovered siblings, and for anyone carrying family secrets they didn't choose.

And here’s what Bruce Feiler (the researcher who popularized this work) discovered: This doesn’t just apply to kids. It applies to all of us, at every stage of life.

When we know our full story—the messy, complicated, beautiful truth of it—we develop what’s called an “intergenerational self.” That is just a fancy way of saying that we stop seeing ourselves as isolated individuals trying to make it on our own, and we understand ourselves as part of something bigger.

A story that started before us.

A story that will continue after us.

What This Means for How We Finish

I think a lot about legacy these days. Not in a morbid way—in a meaningful way.

I want to finish well. I want the people I love to know not just what I accomplished, but who I was and where I came from.

And here’s what the research shows: Knowing our family history—especially the hard parts—helps us do exactly that.

It normalizes struggle. Your challenges aren’t personal failures. They’re part of the human experience your ancestors navigated too.

It provides perspective. When you know where you started, you can truly appreciate where you are.

It creates meaning. Your life isn’t just a standalone story. It’s a chapter in something much larger.

Here’s What I’m Doing About It (And What You Can Do Too)

I’m done hiding the hard parts of my story. Instead, I’m documenting them. Sharing them. Turning them into the “mortar” that holds my family together (that’s Feiler’s metaphor, and I love it).

Because the truth is: The strength isn’t in the bricks. It’s in the mortar.

So here’s my challenge for you today:

Think about one story from your past—maybe one you’ve been hesitant to share—that shows both struggle and resilience.

It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to be true.

Then ask yourself: Who needs to hear this story? And what would it mean for them to know it?

Maybe it’s your kids. Maybe it’s your grandkids. Maybe it’s someone in your community who’s facing something similar right now.

Your story—the whole story, ups and downs included—is more powerful than you think.

And it just might be the gift someone else needs to navigate their own journey.

Let’s finish well, together.

P.S. I’d love to hear from you. What’s one story from your family history that shaped who you are today? Hit reply and let me know—I read every message.